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My father was so deep into Gothard’s teachings, and he preached them so much, that his church board had issues with it. He blamed this on the board not being willing to grow. My parents portrayed me to Bill as a sexual, rebellious teen who needed help—but I had only kissed a boy. Bill told them he would give me intensive counseling. I was a temptation to men; Bill Gothard told me that I had tempted my own father.

I have my own theory of why he was forced out, though. He had been forced out of churches in California and New Jersey for taking indecent liberties with young girls. My father’s sexual abuse of me didn’t start until we moved to a pastorate in New Jersey, when I was seven years old and got my own room. Bill would call me into his office for “counseling and teaching.” I was open about my relationship with my boyfriend. I loved to be barefooted, and he would always comment on the shades of polish on my toes. He wanted all the details of my past sexual experiences. I craved Bill’s attention but felt guilty about the increasing touches he gave me.

She was so upset that she reported it to one of the staff leaders.

Next thing I knew, I was called into a disciplinary meeting with a couple of senior staff members and Bill, and they confronted me about my claims.

He insisted that I go on the first IBLP trip to Australia that October and paid for me to go.

We were all so busy on the trip, I didn’t see much of him. He would drive me home so I wouldn’t walk alone to my house in the dark.

Note that some will understandably ask why this is not the subject of legal action.

It’s understood that any statute of limitations has expired in this case. I was raised to put my best face forward and act like all is well.

My parents hosted Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts (IBYC) seminars in California, and were deeply involved in the IBYC (later renamed the Institute in Basic Life Principles, or IBLP) way of life. I was put into Christian school there until the second half of first grade, when my Mom pulled me out to homeschool me. The Advanced Training Institute (ATI, Gothard’s homeschooling program) was just starting, so my parents were among the first hundred or so families to be enrolled in this new program when I started second grade. We went to a conference in Knoxville in July of 1992. I remember he wouldn’t let go of my hand, and he kept telling my parents how sweet, beautiful, and pure I was. My brother was working at Headquarters as the head landscaper.

I have been told I am alive because of Bill Gothard.

My parents became involved in the seminars in the early 1970s, and at that time they were done with having kids.

We left that church when I was 13 years old, and we moved to Virginia when I was 15. He asked me a lot about how much I had let my boyfriend touch me, how we kissed— it went on and on. I wanted a relationship with a man that was like a relationship with a father.

He seemed to get pleasure from pulling every detail out of me. Bill Gothard gave me that feeling of being worth something.

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Bill arranged my flight back to O’Hare so we could ride back to Headquarters in the car together.